I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
