Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
