We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
