So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
