'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
