I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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