there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
