you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Randomize
