Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
