Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
