apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
