Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
