you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
