i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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