Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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