McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
