Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
