I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
