Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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