did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
