At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
How naked do you want me to be?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
