I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
