I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
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