At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
