nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
