My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
