He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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