First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
