is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
