The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
Randomize
