What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
I think I sprained my soul last night
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
