idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
