All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Randomize
