i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
