Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Randomize
