My liver just broke up with me...
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Randomize
