I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Randomize
