Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
