the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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