Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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