I cannot find my penis.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
