I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
