So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
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