I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
