There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
I'm like, not good at living.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Randomize
