we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
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