it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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