My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
