well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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