I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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